It’s the most wonderful time of the year. That’s because the sweet sounds of holiday music are once again crowding the airwaves. Take a look at which songs made the nice list that you’ll spin all Yule long and which ones made the naughty list — the tunes you wish the Grinch would have stolen along with Christmas.

Naughty List

‘Now That’s What I Call Christmas! 4′ (2010)

Honestly, the second disc of this two-CD collection is pretty darn good. It boasts tracks from the likes of Bing Crosby and other classic carolers. But the compilation goes into Grinch mode when Top 40 artists also try to spread holiday cheer. Lady Gaga revamps ‘Deck the Halls’ into an oversexualized romp. With lines like, ‘Light me up, put me on top,’ the diva slaps Christmas in the face with her ”tis the season to be horny’ kind of attitude. The song is wedged between duds like Mariah Carey’s incessantly yowled ‘All I Want for Christmas Is You’ and Maroon 5’s nasal ‘Happy Christmas (War Is Over).’ The top-notch classics leave the mainstream versions out in the snow.      

‘Under the Mistletoe’ by Justin Bieber (2011)

It’s not hard to see why the Biebs released a Christmas album because he’s still young enough to believe in Santa. His original songs are lousy, like the sleepy, ukulele-toting ‘Mistletoe,’ but Bieber is at his absolute worst wrecking the halls with renditions of beloved songs. ‘Drummer Boy’ gets a makeover complete with a boring rap from Busta Rhymes. There’s a very good reason why the classic didn’t include lyrics like, ‘Let’s gather around the fireplace / It’s about to get hot in here,’ which Bieber spits when he goes into a cutesy rap verse. Even superstars like Usher on the whiny ‘The Christmas Song’ can’t fix Bieber’s mess.

Nice List

‘If On a Winter’s Night…’ by Sting (2009)

Leave it to Sting to keep December classy. The former Police lead singer delivers subtle string arrangements and hushed tones on his album, capturing the solitude of winter. ‘You Only Cross My Mind in Winter’ and ‘Cold Song’ showcase Sting’s husky lower register over a melancholic choir of violins. But Sting doesn’t leave listeners feeling chilly. Songs like ‘The Snow It Melts the Soonest’ are low-key but brighten up with jazzy choruses. It’s deep and dark, but this is a record to cuddle up with by a fireplace.

‘Let It Snow Baby…Let It Reindeer’ by Relient K (2008)

There’s nothing like a little punk to spice up dreary winters. Relient K’s lighthearted album injects a healthy dose of energy and optimism to some typically drab tunes. Their spirit takes on the jangly ‘Sleigh Ride’ and rushed-to-perfection ‘Auld Lang Syne’ are fun, but singer Matthew Thiessen shines writing his own tracks. ‘I’m Like a Lion (Always Winter)’ captures the emotions of the season’s first snowfall with a soft piano driven melody, and ‘Boxing Day’ brings an acoustic touch to packing away decorations for another year. This album is one to put on shuffle during that long car ride back home.

Nostalgic List

‘A Christmas Together’ by John Denver and The Muppets (1979)

What do you get when you cross folk troubadour John Denver with Jim Henson’s Muppets? A classic Christmas album that’s half harmony and half hilarity. The Muppets flaunt their silly best on songs like ‘Little Saint Nick’ and Miss Piggy’s hammed-up rendition of ‘Twelve Days of Christmas.’ But the album’s strongest selection rests in its slower fare. ‘When the River Meets the Sea’ is charmingly wistful, and Denver patiently builds a synthesizer-tinged chorus on ‘A Baby Just Like You.’ A tribute to the Christmas spirit, this album warms your heart faster than a mug of cocoa on a frosty night.

‘Home For Christmas’ by *NSYNC (1998)

If you like your holiday tunes served with a sugary slice of ‘90s boy band nostalgia, look no further than *NSYNC’s ‘Home For Christmas.’ The record dances between snappy tunes and restrained a cappella numbers, but it hasn’t matured as easily as the talented Justin Timberlake has. ‘Under My Tree’ is a laughable attempt at a smooth rhythm and blues jam that’s less Marvin Gaye than it is Rupert Holmes, and ‘The Only Gift’ is a goofy ballad that haplessly jingles its Christmas bells at listeners. Even when the boys boost the energy in songs like ‘Kiss Me at Midnight,’ this album is still stuck in the ‘90s.

ervanrhe@syr.edu

Published on December 5, 2011 at 12:00 pm

Contact Erik: ervanrhe@syr.edu | @therealvandyman