There once was a jacket. His name was Northy the Face.
He kept everyone warm, no matter the gender, age or race.

He took you to class, or to your friend’s place.
He could take you anywhere, that Northy the Face.

‘Twas a normal Tuesday night, only about six degrees.
You and Northy huddle together for warmth with your buddies.

The night of your fatal flaw, was at DJ’s On The Hill,
Amidst dancing and drinks that are mainly water-filled.

You walked in past the bouncer and threw Northy aside.
You’re here with your friends, tonight’s sure going to be a ride.

Immediately you went to the bar and picked up a fishbowl.
And Northy watched as you poured it down your face hole.

But at some point, during the drunken spur of a night,
Northy disappeared, nothing felt right.

Where could Northy be? He has all your stuff.
Your ID, keys, money, social security card, passport and childhood blanket … Life is going to be rough.

Could you have missed Northy, looking around in an inebriated state?
You were supposed to find him. This can’t be your fate.

You drunkenly search around, and you’re sure Northy is gone.
It’s time to just walk home and puke on your lawn.

You grab another jacket so you don’t freeze.
You steal someone else’s, you do it with ease.

Northy was off, he was taking the town.
Frats, bars, Pastabilities — tonight it was going down.

Your jacket was having the greatest night ever.
It didn’t matter that it was crappy weather.

Because he’s a jacket.

He met a vest from Columbia, and she was a softie.
But he went for her anyway, his goal was lofty.

She seemed really sweet, and they got along great.
Northy seems like he might’ve found his mate.

But then a bad sweater approached, and threatened with his zipper.
Who could this bad guy be? Was it jacket the ripper?

He and Northy went at it. They got into a fight.
Then a sad girl came by. It wasn’t her night.

Her jacket was missing, and she needed to go home.
So, she picked up Northy, and walked past the Carrier Dome.

Northy doesn’t miss you, he’s someone else’s now.
If you were wondering why you couldn’t find him, this is how.

You threw him aside, without keeping track.
And while you were drunk, you assumed you’d get him back.

But no, someone took your jacket, and it’s a loop.
So, for the love of God, stop posting in the Syracuse Facebook group.

Josh Feinblatt is a sophomore television, radio and film major. He has never lost a jacket because he doesn’t need them. He can be reached on Twitter @joshfeinblatt, by email at jfeinbla@syr.edu or by standing shirtless in the Quad during negative temperatures.

Published on February 5, 2017 at 9:56 pm