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To those who read this, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. If not for your harsh lectures, consistent pushing and your belief in me, I probably would’ve ended up in a worse predicament. I’m grateful for avoiding that, aside from the corruption that lives not only within these walls.

Not all my experiences here have been horrible. 

I’ve gotten my GED here. My teacher was an outstanding woman, even when chastising me for helping others because they wouldn’t learn if I show them. She was always right. Because of her, I continued with my education, and I’m currently enrolled at Cornell University. Being able to attend Cornell while in prison is a gift, and I admire what they do for us. Sometimes I do feel like giving up, as it can be very hard, but I don’t want to let down the people who rallied behind me, so I tough it out and always feel grateful when I pass.

When I mention the harsh staff, I don’t mean everyone who works here, and I apologize to those who were offended. Because honestly, there are a handful of good people here whom I truly respect. Even some officers and sergeants here will go out of their way to help us. While considered the bare minimum, it’s appreciated because most will tell us they don’t care.

I’m not lying when I say the Inmate Grievance Program – designed to assist with complaint resolution – is horrible. That’s not the fault of my boss, the inmates who work there or even the officers and sergeants. I would even say that my boss at Grievance is a good person, who’s very caring and good at her job. At the end of the day, not everyone wants to do the work, and we all do the work that no one wants to do. That’s just how it is. 

The directives set in place, from decades ago, run rampant, even when it doesn’t make sense. For example, we can’t have materials for items like winter hats mailed in for us. But, they sell winter hats made with these materials at the commissary. Where is the sense in this?

And the medical care here is poor, and with the pandemic, you have to be next to dying to be seen. Luckily, there are a few nurses here who are decent people and do what they can to help us. The dental health here is OK. There’s just a long wait to be seen – usually an eight-month wait – but with COVID-19, it’s closed indefinitely. Leaving us without dental care.

Despite the violence, lack of empathy and the lack of respect, I am thankful I’m here because it’s close to home. Yeah, I don’t want to be locked up – no one does – but my actions led me here. 

I do try to make the best of my time, regardless of the stress, depression and misery. We truly do what we can to make those with the issues happy in a way. 

In other facilities, movement is controlled – everywhere you go, the officers make you walk in a line like you’re cattle. Here at Auburn, there’s more free movement. Yeah, it can be dangerous, but it’s a risk I’m willing to take for a bit more free reign. 

Even though I don’t agree with people who are infected still coming to work and possibly infecting others, I know they are just doing what they need to do to live. I understand that people have to work to survive and support themselves and their families.

I hate that visits are closed for so long, but I know it’s to protect our loved ones and ourselves from getting infected, and I can’t argue with that.

I can’t picture what my time here would be like if I didn’t have the support system I have. I’m blessed to have people who love and care for me and make sure I’m as comfortable as I can be. I am engaged to a very beautiful, amazing woman who loves and cares for me. I wouldn’t trade her for the world. 

I always say to myself that my incarceration is a gift and a curse, and it’s very true. No matter what, I persevere because God wouldn’t shoulder us with things we couldn’t handle – it’s a truth I live by every day.

This piece was written by a Syracuse resident currently incarcerated at Auburn Correctional Facility.

Published on April 13, 2021 at 9:59 pm