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Sorority culture can be overwhelming, especially at Syracuse University where 30% of students participate in Greek life. It can often seem like every girl at SU is a part of this culture, and that we love competing for spots in these sororities.

During my freshman year, I remember feeling like I should rush. Registration opened around winter break and my fall semester wasn’t everything I had hoped it would be, so I thought that joining a sorority might help me meet new people and form friendships.

I’m from Syracuse originally. My family lives about 10 minutes from SU’s campus, and I used its proximity as a crutch. I wasn’t getting along with my roommate, so I usually went home on weekends. I’d made a few friends in my classes and hung out with people I went to high school with who also attend SU, but my college experience was not shaping up to be gratifying. In the back of my head, I was always reminded of what so many people had told me for years: “College was the best four years of my life. It’s when I found my people.”

Just before we left for winter break during my freshman year, I asked one of my friends from home who was in a sorority at SU to meet up for coffee so I could pick her brain about sorority life. She didn’t paint an unrealistic picture of unwavering sisterhood — she was honest with me. After hearing the pros and cons, I decided that I would give it a shot.

I didn’t register right away. I think I subconsciously knew it wasn’t for me, even though I wanted to believe it was. In the end, I didn’t end up rushing. The more I thought about it, the more I didn’t want to. I felt uncomfortable joining with the promise of friendship. How can that be guaranteed, and who was to say I was the kind of girl they were looking for? The fact that there was a “type of girl” to look for made me uneasy. I didn’t want to be put into some box because of how I looked or the way I socialized on that given day. The amount of judgment involved in the process is ultimately why I decided not to rush.

As I watched from the sidelines as my friends rushed, and saw mutuals post about it on Instagram, I questioned if I made the right decision. All of the Instagram pictures on my feed seemed so genuine with girls finding sisterhood among one another. I had to remind myself that these pictures only portrayed a portion of the story: only the best parts.

I think one of the most dangerous myths about college in general is that it has to be “the best four years of your life.” It puts pressure on students who are already pushing themselves to stay on top of work and start planning for their future, to make sure they have the perfect social life. I’m not saying people shouldn’t have fun in college. But it should also come with the realization that college is one of the biggest transitions a person can go through, so not every part of it is going to be amazing. We go from living with our parents and having supervision to living alone, totally detached from everything we’ve ever known. Not every class will lend an A, you might not become best friends with your roommate and you’ll miss your family and friends. These parts also make up the college experience.

Feeling lonely is a part of the experience too, so I can understand people joining sororities in an effort to make friends and find community. I just don’t think sororities are the only way one can do this.

Sororities tend to amplify this idea that you need to find your best friends in college and the only way to do that is by rushing. Those not involved are excluded from the culture, from the events, parties, community, and it can feel like the only way into this world is rushing. The idea of finding your “forever home” with your sisters, and having the option to live in the house definitely creates a divide between girls in sororities and those who aren’t.

While this may be true for some, it doesn’t have to be for everyone. The majority of friends I’ve made I’ve met organically in different classes. I met one of my closest friends in my Spanish class during my first semester, and she is now my roommate. It is possible to form lasting connections without engaging with sororities. There’s a variety of clubs and organizations at SU and many different opportunities to meet new people.

Rushing is promoted with the idea that girls will find lifelong connections and sisterhood when in actuality, you can find these connections in your life. When you take a step back from the flood of social media posts picturing seemingly perfect friendships captioned “found my forever home @insertsororitynamehere,” it’s easy to feel isolated and distant from your school community. It’s important to not compare your college experience to anyone else’s because you never know what their real story is.

Marissa Carello is a sophomore Magazine, News and Digital Journalism Major. She can be reached at mjcarell@syr.edu.

Published on February 20, 2023 at 9:49 pm