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After unpopular demand, campus tours are back. That’s right, tours are sprouting all over the place like some sort of invasive plant species. But unlike invasive species, you’re not allowed to spray them with chemicals to make them go away.

Although these tours can be a nuisance at times, they’re sort of interesting to observe. Campus tours are usually composed of a hoard of high school students, overly excited parents and unwilling younger siblings who got dragged out to central New York because the babysitter canceled at the last minute.

You can’t blame people for wanting to visit Syracuse during this time of the year. Spring is an ideal time to visit if you’re a prospective student. When you visit in the spring you’ll see happy students skipping around all coatless with their forearms all exposed. You’ll see kids hammocking on the quad or laughing as they catch a frisbee. It’s like something from a brochure. But you and I both know it’s not an accurate representation of what the Syracuse experience is like.

When I visited Syracuse as a high schooler, I got the full experience. I visited in mid-February during a blizzard. There were no forearms, frisbees or smiling students during my tour. I went home thinking, “Well, I’ll never go there!”

Looking back on my tour, I realized there were a couple things my poor, cold tour guide forgot to tell us. I’m here to share the things they forget to tell you during your tour of SU.

1. You will probably NOT meet your soulmate here.
Although your parents probably met in college and have been together ever since, you’re probably not going to meet the love of your life here. You’ll definitely try to put yourself out there, but Syracuse is for cheaters, not lovers.

2. Food.com is a terrible place to do work.

Prospective Newhouse students are usually dragged through the food.com cafe area. I’ve heard tour guides gush about what an awesome place it is to study and grab a bite to eat. Wrong, wrong, wrong! Food.com isn’t for studying or eating — it’s for staring at people. This Newhouse cafe is the central hub on campus for Syracuse’s most annoying population: communication majors.

3. You don’t need a Canada Goose to fit in.

A $500 North Face will do just fine.

4. No one leaves their homes from January to mid-February.

People may think Syracuse is known for being a party school, but from January to mid-February we all take a page from Henry David Thoreau’s book and become hermits. It’s hard to get people to leave their homes when your home is warm and dry, the outside is wet and cold and you could slip at literally any moment. You think I’m going to risk bruising my tailbone to get a beer with you? Think again.

5. At some point during your four years here, you’ll think about transferring.

You might fail a class, get cheated on or slip on some ice. This will force the idea of transferring somewhere warmer into your head. You’ll think to yourself, “This would have never happened to me if I went to UMiami!” Then a couple days later you’ll realize someone probably still would have cheated on you if you went to UMiami, but the other woman would probably have been even hotter.

Published on April 5, 2023 at 10:08 pm